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Why the Gender, Race and Ministry Project Matters: A personal reflection

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By Amy P. McCullough

 The Rev. Amy P. McCullough, chair of the Baltimore-Washington Conference's Board of Ordained Ministry, shares a personal reflection on gender, race and ministry and the study now being conducted among  Conference clergy. 

One evening while unloading the dishwasher together, I told my mother I wanted to be a minister’s wife. Even then, at the age of seven, I sensed the Spirit moving me toward set-apart ministry. But having never encountered a female minister, I assumed ordination was not a path open for me. Being a spouse of a minister, which itself is a vocation, seemed the next best option. My mother, whom I would learn later had nurtured her own dreams of ministry, suggested I consider becoming an ordained minister myself.

 A few years later a woman was appointed as one of the associate pastors at my home congregation. While she played a more minor role in my growing sense of call, her presence widened the images I held of what a pastor might look like, speak like, or be. Her presence then, and mine today, come from the efforts of so many women who fought for the right for ordination, preached when their witnesses were not recognized as preaching, and absorbed the suspicions, ridicule and rejections of others. They blazed the trail for female pastors and built the legacy upon which we all depend.  

But the nearly seven decades of women’s ordination in The United Methodist Church have not eliminated instances of sexism from my experience as a pastor who is also female. I have been questioned by credentialing committees about my self-identification as a feminist, asked to equate an offer for an unpaid internship with the paid ones male colleagues received, and been assessed as someone who would serve with “quiet distinction,” a designation I experienced as implicitly minimizing my skills, passion, and potential.

Early in ministry, my pastoral leadership at a wedding and a funeral were refused by the families involved, in each case on the basis that I was female. In the latter instance I spent an afternoon calling other male colleagues trying to find a replacement for the duty I had been trained and authorized to do. I have received comments about my voice, my hair, and my clothes, as well as unsolicited advice about how I might make my preaching more like a man’s. On more occasions than I can count, my pastoral presence has been met with the response “but you don’t look like a minister.”

However kind the intent, this comment conveys “you do not fully embody this sacred vocation.” While none of these encounters created an insurmountable barrier between myself and pastoral ministry, moments such as these do take a piece of one’s flesh. They caused my confidence to falter, my self-consciousness to be heightened, and my passion for ministry to be deflated. Sexism objectifies women, turning a flesh-and-blood person into a thing, the locus of someone else’s prejudice, fears, or preconceptions. Feeling this external gaze, one becomes alert to being watched and judged rather than attentive to one’s embodied truth. Furthermore, these are my experiences as a white woman. I share them, deeply aware that women of other races and ethnicities encounter the double burden of racism and sexism and feel the impact of both amid their service in the church.

 While naming the ways sexism has affected my years in ministry, I also must proclaim that being a woman in ministry is one of the deepest joys, most generative gifts, of my life. I have been blessed with mentors, both men and women, who have encouraged me, prayed for me, and supported my journey. I have been welcomed by congregations who have embraced me as their pastor and nurtured by Staff Parish Relations Committees who worked to ensure I was affirmed as a pastoral leader and given opportunities for growth. On that day I was searching for someone else to preside at the funeral, two colleagues returned my calls, saying in essence, “I’m always happy to help another minister in need, but I am not comfortable participating in this moment, stepping into a role that is rightfully yours.” Their solidarity offered me courage; their kindness has never been forgotten. When I was pregnant with my second child, a parishioner in the congregation said to me, with shining eyes, “Last night I told my husband that my pastor has a crib in her office.” I felt from her words the deep wonderment she held at having a minister whose embodiment mirrored hers. If God sought closeness with us through the Incarnation, then ministry can and does happen in those moments when our fleshly particularity conveys something of God’s presence to another.

 In a 2018 study, researchers found that having a significant experience of a female clergy leader while growing up increased the self-esteem of women by eighteen percent.[1] While I would categorize my experiences of sexism as stumbling blocks rather than full-blown barriers, there are thousands of instances where sexism is death-dealing. There are millions of girls and women around the world who lack access to education, healthcare, bodily safety, and self-determination. Representation in leadership, especially in the sacred class called clergy, matters. It expands our collective vision of who God is and how the Spirit moves in the world. It tells a young girl that she, too, reflects God’s image. She, too, can embody God’s power and love within her life and her community.

 The Board of Ordained Ministry of the Baltimore-Washington Conference has launched the Gender, Race, and Ministry Study because we believe there is more to know about how race and gender play out across ministry. We want to hear your stories. We seek to learn your truth, so that we can work together to build the strongest, most life-giving system possible to shepherd persons called to this holy task and to be good stewards of the lives of all who serve.

[1] Benjamin R. Knoll and Cammie Jo Bolin, She Preached the Word: Women’s Ordination in Modern America (New York: Oxford University, 2018), 130-31. Cited from Leonora Tubbs Tisdale, How Women Transform Preaching (Nashville: Abingdon, 2021), 52.

Comments
Ophelia Brown-Carter Jan 24, 2022 12:17pm

Thanks for sharing your story.

Rev. Wilson Shearer Jan 24, 2022 1:36pm

I commend Amy for her excellent views on the role and status of female clergy. At age 90, and after having been retired for 26 years, I still have vivid memories of my experiences as the Frederick District Superintendent from 1976 to 1982. I had more female clergy under appointments than any other district in the conference. Without exception their witness and service was outstanding. My strategy to overcome possible gender bias in PPRC's always succeeded. In the meeting I reviewed the committee's detailed written profile of desired pastoral qualifications. Then I explained how our potential appointee fulfilled those criteria without any hint of gender. When I asked the committee if our recommendation seemed reasonable, invariably someone responded, "Yes, what's HIS name? Then I'd say, "HER name is ................., would you like to meet her and get acquainted personally?" It always worked, and allayed the fears of any who were initially skeptical. Keep up your good work, members of BOOM, and best wishes to all my clergy sisters.

Arthur Dan Gleckler Jan 24, 2022 4:36pm

Beautiful, Amy. You have shepherded an amazing congregation into a fulfillment beyond anyone's expectation. Thank God for the match, and blessings going forward.

Dan Gleckler

Ron Foster Jan 24, 2022 6:37pm

Powerfully and poignantly well-written; courageously and gracefully well-lived. Thanks, Amy, for your thoughts and leadership on this issue. Proud to call you a friend and colleague.

Stephanie Vader Jan 25, 2022 12:27am

Blessed are you among women dearest Amy. I appreciate your lovely articulation of the gifts of being a women pastor and the challenges of having to deal with daily sexist assumptions, comments and male colleagues who either participate in the sexist behavior and assumption or stay silent. I love my odd and wondrous calling and would not change my journey but we have a long way to go to dismantle patriarchy. I am proud of you and appreciate you and your many gifts and leadership.

john c warren Jan 25, 2022 1:14pm

I love your story and appreciate you sharing it with us! I would like to share with you sometime what it has been like for me to serve as a black man in cross racial cross culture appointments. We are Blessed as a Conference and Denomination to have such variety of gifted and talented people!

Suzanne Gifford Jan 25, 2022 2:08pm

Amy is a light of grace and strength. Her eloquent words and life are an encouragement to women everywhere.

Jennifer Benson Jan 25, 2022 7:15pm

Thank you, dear friend, for speaking this truth. Yes, God comes to us in many forms.

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