Learnings from going undercover
By Mike Beiber*
Breaking his “cover:” the Rev. Mike Beiber, right, stands with his wife, Cherish, and son, Oliver.
One of the guilty pleasures of being clergy is visiting other churches “undercover” where nobody knows that I’m a pastor. I get to sit in a pew and worship like everyone else, and I get to experience the welcome and fellowship of a church.
One thing I find particularly interesting is the welcome that I, my wife and my son tend to receive as a young family. I always feel bad, because there is no way I’m coming back next Sunday; I’ve got my own church people to lead and my own sermons to preach, thank you very much.
Wonderful as these welcomes may be, there is often a certain flavor to them that disturbs me both as a visitor and as a pastor: the flavor of desperation. Sometimes it comes across subtly but often it is blatantly obvious through remarks like, “We’re so glad you’re here — we need young people in our church.” (Whoa there hoss, I’m just visiting — I’m not taking vows of membership just yet!)
Then there were the folks that asked for our home address so they could pick us up for Bible study – and offered to stay at our house to watch our son. (I’m pretty sure I saw something like that on an episode of “Criminal Minds” — so no thanks.)
One person even used the term “fresh blood” in their conversation with us. (Thanks for the imagery, well-meaning but creepy church person; we will show ourselves to the door now.)
It felt that they did not see us as people in need of a community in which we could come to know and follow Jesus. Rather it felt as if we were a rare prize to them that they were clawing at, hoping to catch and keep as their own.
While I hope no one reading this has ever said or done anything like this, let’s admit something. When a young family darkens the doors of your church, someone’s heart is going to skip a beat. “Young people!” church people’s souls proclaim. “Surely they have come to join and bring new life to our church!”
Okay, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but you get my point.
It’s great to welcome young adults to your church. It’s important to think of ways to invite and include them into the whole of the church’s life, just as it is important to do so for every person of every age. But listen, young people come to churches for many various reasons but they aren’t there to save your church or to give it new life.
Jesus is the one who has saved your church. He is the one who will breathe new life into your congregation. That truth is at the very foundation of who we are. How often do we forget this and instead reach out for whatever else we think can give us hope and a future?
Young adults in our churches do not give us these things. Rather, our hope and future and the grace we need to strive towards it are provided to us by God. As the Body of Christ, we are to then offer this hope to people, not expect it from them.
Young adults don’t need a church that is desperate for them to be there. Young adults need a church that is desperately in love with its
So if you’re worried that you might have acted as one of the offenders I mentioned above, don’t worry; you’re forgiven. Both God and the folks you may or may not have creeped-out know you meant well.
But the next time a young person walks into your church, remember something before you run over to them. God doesn’t call us to reach out to anyone because they offer us hope. God calls us to reach out to people so we can share and embody the hope of Jesus Christ with them.
* The Rev. Mike Beiber is pastor of Mt. Zion UMC in Myersville.