God doesn't yell, you have to lean in

By Alan B. Ward

When my daughter Hope died in May 2008, my place of faith was shaken to its core. The God I thought I knew crumbled away. Like the exiles carried off to Babylon, all I was familiar with when it came to relating to God was taken away from me and I've had to rebuild what it means to connect with God in this "new place" I now dwell.

After having lived through the last 21 months, I think it's fair to say I understand God less than ever, but believe in God more than I ever have.

I am forever changed by the experience of having lost a child, but God is indeed with me in this strange new world.

The pace of my life has not made it easy to find time to process all that we lived through. That's why it was such a blessing when my wife organized a surprise weekend away for my 39th birthday. For three days, we could step away from our routine and our responsibilities and focus solely on one another ... and on God.

One of my favorite ways to connect with God is to take a prayer walk through nature.

Looking back, I think I came to the wilderness that day hoping to hear God's voice afresh.

I am quite sure God has never once stopped speaking to me these past two years, but I have had a lot of trouble hearing. God seemed quiet.

I spent my time outside listening - to the birds, the wind, the melody nature made in the woods and meadow.

I came to realize that God speaks constantly, but we aren't very good listeners and God usually refuses to yell to get our attention.

If we want to hear God's voice, we have to take time to quiet ourselves, "lean in," and really listen. Contemplation - training ourselves to be still and listen for God's voice - seems to be a lost art in our world, but if we truly want to hear from God, it is one we desperately need to rediscover.

Lent is a time to intentionally focus on listening for God's voice - and especially on removing those things from our life that hinder us from that listening.

We can ask God: What is impeding us from seeing and hearing you more clearly, and acting on what we've seen or heard? Our challenge is to stay with God long enough to get some answers, even when the answers we get are challenging for us to hear.

God often speaks unexpected messages in unexpected ways.

My prayer for Lent echoes those of the prophets: that God would use whatever means necessary to get through to us, and that we would have eyes to see and ears to hear the message God delivers, no matter how unconventional the messenger may be.

Alan Ward is a member of Patapsco-Lodge Forest Cooperative Parish in Dundalk.